Last night i sat up in my bed, unable to sleep, damn insomnia. it can drive a guy looney.ha ha, that is if im not already that way. I've never been much of a writer. Hell, in high school i barely passes english each year. Ive always been more into art and tearing things apart to figure out how they work. I think of my self as a analyzer, i often feel i look at the world threw a different window than most. Once i graduated high school and went out to learn what life was about i found myself in a way trapped in ball the harder i pushed on its sides the more it stretched and sprung me back inside it self. I kinda still feel that way. Its like im looking for that knife that will release me from this thing. Everytime i meet someone new wether i speak to them or not i look at the way they walk the way they carry themselves and how they interact with others. I guess its me trying to see if i can find out that thing im missing out on .. like maybe there is someone else out there that knows something i could learn, hell if i know. There was a girl once who looked threw eyes just as me. She could see the beauty in everything and could also see the bad that i couldnt see. it was like we looked threw the same pane of glass but with a different vantage point. I wanted to see threw her eyes and see what she saw. For a while she was the same about me. Things constantly change i guess, to the point that we look and stare and want to see, know, and understand so bad that we become blinded. I looked at a picture of my grandmother and grandfather that ive had for a long time now. She sits in his lap with her arms around him with a big smile on her face, and hes looking back at her with the look of how could i ever have lived this life with out you. They been together i think 50 years now or so. Its something that is becoming more and more rare, but i want it. One day ill find that someone who will stand by me no matter what, threw the good the bad and the stupid. Well, writing to me now is becoming more and more of a daily thing, i dont do it because i have to like back in school. I do it because its one of the ways i try to express my self. My grammer still sucks, but hell tom sawyer was written in worse grammer than i can produce. Life can throw at you things you never wanted to happen, and you can fight them all you want to but eventually it will hit you... Life sucks a mean cock. The bad thing is will it take the rest with him like Loreana Bobbit or will it leave you with a smile on your face.