- star date 20010529.1 Captains Log -
I've landed on a strange planet filled with many variety of beings. Animal and plant cover this planet. I stand among large buildings contructed of metal and wood by a semi advanced society. there quest for knowledge is high but there intelegence is low. Rather than come together as one they fight each other over the smallest things wether it be color, height or weight. AHHH dont you just love how captain kirk was the shiznit (shit). I mean he was an average lookin dude who got all the babes. I mean think about it in every episode he was wid a different woman, some alein and some not. Kinda makes ya wonder where the ideal of having more than one mate came from dont it. i think TV in general has screwed up alot of morals. Then again progress always comes at some cost. seems everyone wants to blame TV and music for everything these days though. Anything from murders to mass suicides. Hell i remember when certain bands where pointed at and downsized and called satanist, and now they are top of the charts *coff* metallica *coff* ozzy *coff* etc... i mean its bullshit, TV has inspired many to look beyond what is real and see other points of views true which is a good point but it has also directed the younger generation in one way or the other. Hell look at eminem a white rapper who talks about gays, wiggers and all that mess. I will give him credit he did bring a lot of truths to bear and out in the open that did need to be shown. alot of back woods people pushed a blind eye to gays and homos n shit and beat the shit out of them. By talking about them as openly as he has it directed the treatment of them to be shown in light and in many ways i think will make it easier on those people in the long run. Music is a way towards expression its just words set to music no matter what the lyrics to a song its still a way to allow others to feel or understand the feelings an artist has to convey. Its always up to the individual to interpret what is said. Put it this way, if i said "All watermelons are evil and must be bashed with a large wooden sledge hammer" would you as an idividual take me seriously or would you go out and bash one? lmao, thought not hell if i read that id go "WHATTTT and waist a good fruit that i could pop a hole in and shove a bottle of everclear in????". Ok, now im going to get off the subject cuz its boring me now. Heres an update on things, I'm still tryin to work things out with the one thats been on my mind, she did come back but she has been distant. I spoke to her tonight after waiting for her most of the day. she seems scared of something but i cant put my finger on it. I guess she feels as if im not being true to her, or shes afraid of what happened in the past will happen again. i dont know how to make her realize i am hers and hers alone now and that im not goin any where. I actually old her tonight that i was scared. which is the truth, scared imma loose her too, scared im gonna let her down and scared that im gonna fuck up some how and run her off. Each time she leaves i worry it will be the last time i see her. She leaves usually before i can finish something that i feel is important for me to say. She told me she loved me tonight to me it ment alot probly more than i can tell her. My past dealings with my feelings as you can tell have been fucked. If you want to know "am i scared to love again" ... """you damn fuckin right i am""". But, i told her i love her n i wouldn't say it if i didnt mean it. Here i am my own biggest critic. I look back at shit i've done in the past and regret...ohhhhh how i regret them. I been doing my best to not make those mistakes again. Right now i am where i wanna be for now, im with someone that in her own way is doing what she can to make things work even though i know shit scares her and she cant help some things that go on. Least i know shes doing best she can, n thas what matters. Though i want her closer to me i know only time will allow that. All i can do is give her the space she needs and be understanding, i just hope she can do the same for me.
-End Captains Log-