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skin.lab. - Losing

I think losing is the hardest and most humbling thing. "TOP OF THE WORLD MA", a proud martyr sitting on his throne with the feeling of looking down upon the world with glass eyes totally oblivious to his suroundings and the reality a world can bestow upon him. You know that feeling you are where you wanna be and when you wanna be there. Happiness, joy, and the feeling of being needed. Life changes you from that first day after being spit into corruption. Innocence turns into oblivion, life turns into an obituary column that no one ever reads you get pased on as another lost soul that conformed to society. What ever happened to trust, loyalty, and honesty did it die within a lifetime. i was told from birth that honesty was the best policy. And yet again i sit back and ponder what is all the shit called life is about. and get kicked back down to a level that stares back up on steps that are to large to walk on. Things are clear in my eyes, just as the martyr they are glass but they are growing pale. its my wanting them to be black so i cant see any of this shit anymore. you gain, you hold on and eventually you lose what ever it is you think is valuable. That infamous question " why do you love me?", all at once you are over beared with a million thoughts of the good times and the times that have yet to happen. You compile them all into a package and pour them out in only a few sentences. its kinda fucked up yanno. everything you know and everything you see within a split second can change into a tunnel and when you return to reality your life isnt yours anymore and the things you held of value have been twisted and distorted. But no matter how much you know the reality you are in is not there anymore, you cant help but grab onto that compacted package and want "what was" back. you have no control over it, theres nothing you can do your reality isnt yours anymore and is held in the hands of the one. Will you get that reality back? or will you forever have to live with the loss and end up dreaming about it for the rest of your life. Pardon me, while i burst with a million thoughts and collapse holding a single sparkle of hope at the same time of building that armor even harder on the outside with eyes of titanium. on the inside laying in a fetal possition balling. Crack me open like an egg and make me whole again damnit.