www.skintek.net - Skin Labs Inc. - Journal

Another day, another headache, ever notice how pain seems to be the only reality thats constant. Wether it be physical or a mental one. Seems like by the time it goes away another pain comes bearing its ugly head. Call it a fact of life, call it another obsticle "whatever". I sit here listening to my music to get away. Yeah i listen to strange shit call it a break from having to listen to other peoples problems that you hear in every two bit song out now adays, I got enough of my own. God i hate country what music type is more depressing than that? Damn if i wanna hear about someone losing there dog and crap fuck that. I'd rather listen to violent heart pounding music or funny mess anything up beat. Back to what i was sayin, my pain type isn't physical. Its more mental than anything and its mainly inside my chest. seems as if i try n put 100% into things but, i end up failing in one way or another. And yeah, im talkin bout relationships. i dont want to let no one close to me, cuz it seems when i do i get fucked over, and over, and over. Sometimes, i think id rather jus be by myself and do like i always do jus keep my mind busy, learn new shit, do new things, make more things like this page, or drown in images. but the thing is Being alone scares the shit outta me even though opening your self up to people blows, cuz all you end up doing is letting out a weakness that will eventually be used against you. no im not sayin opening ya self up is a total waist im just sayin it blows. theres only been one person in my life that i can think of that was close enough to understanding who i really am. In the end it was me that didnt understand her because she wouldn't open up to me as much as i opened up to her. I imagine everyones been threw that before.If not then be glad you havent. Guess im jus taking it worse than anyone else, or maybe thats just me again. Im a sap, i should learn not to give a shit about no one jus say fuck you and you and you and who ever. Yeah thats right the ol'carcass-skinner has a soft side. if any of you actually knew me in the first place you would have already known that dumbass. sigh, another mental breakdown "pop another 8 tylonol", ugh hate the taste of these things. I think im to that point where solitude is best cuz nothing i seem to do turns out like i want. Go back to that 7 to 4:30 job work my ass off just to break the monotony of going crazy inside. its bad when you concider your job an escape from life. yet you see it all the time people go to work just to getaway. how pathetic is that? seems people dOn't realize that every person alive seems to have been thrown in that line at mcDonalds at birth. You make your order and drive up then they tell you the price is your soul and no!! you get no happy meal with it.