www.skintek.net - Skin Labs Inc. - Journal

Even though my feelings have not changed i feel my angel will forget me now for things i did to try n help myself. A moment of silence creeps over me and i suddenly feel a warmth run across my back. I know its not the heat of the sun or a scolding metal blade. I feel as if im but a mere worm in a shell who is breaking out. But i fear that when i finally come out it wont be for the better. I've always concidered myself a pretty nice guy, but it seems as if the more i get hurt the more and more i feel as if im loosing touch with what i used to be. Don't get me wrong im still a nice guy and i feel i am beyond fare but it makes it harder and harder to open my self up to people. I've had to back off, regroup, gather myself together and close my eyes to the world that im currently living in and tried to place myself in a different perspective. i took a sort of soul searching trip the last couple of days to find that part of me that i been tryin to figure out. cold, dusty, wet, and salt. yanno how when your driving down the interstate and you get behind a viehicle when its really throwing down raining, how visibility is almost zero. the only thing you can see is the yellow line on one side of you and the white line zipping by one after the other on the other side. Your windshield totally consumed by mist from the spinning twirls of water that are thrown out of the back of the viehicle in front of you. kind of reminds me of how life is. blind as a bat and can only see from the sides. One thing i did learn from the journey NO matter what, my angel was ALWAYS on my mind. I wished my angel watched over me this weekend and could have seen me. She never left my thoughts, or the ring on my finger. To me she was always there, and just the thought of that made me feel better. Last i spoke to the angel she disowned me. Maybe it was her tryin to make space for me to move on, i dont know. I dont want too, I just hope she can realize that n understand why im like this.... one day. A cause for corruption, maybe. A meaning behind the black curtain, eh possibly. I do know that when the curtain raises up the lights will shine and ill be able to see the faces that where not there before, atleast i hope. I sit here looking up ant my book shelf at a pictures of times past. the smiles, the look in the eyes. its amazing how a picture can some how hold a small piece of you in it. sort of a time capsule. you look at it and remember the little things from when it was taken. smells, textures, the touch of lips, and the warmth, just by closing your eyes for a brief second. ....its just amazing