www.skintek.net - Skin Labs Inc. - Journal

I been drowning in sadness n beatin my head over how things where and how i wanted them to be. That one frame of mind, that one state of being that a person wants and needs. A constant, a reality if one can realize such a thing. that one time in your life when you where the happiest. That feeling you want back more than anything. you find your self constantly questioning its truth, was it real? was it a fact? or was it my wanting? or something i wanted so much that i made it up and thought was real? drowning in sorrow for things that just arent there. will it happen again? yes/no. fucking bastards, just let me be. I hear a cry but i dont respond i clear my mind and wait for the next. It finally comes and i reach out to grasp it but i pull away because i know it wont change a thing. If it wants me there it will come to me and ask me to be there. I wanna run to it and defend it with sword and sheild yet it pushes me away over and over. so i wait for the horde. drown in tears from a half grown male, weaping like a maiden. Stand up boy be a fucking man, "FUCK YOUUUUUUU" Swing my blade and decapitate the son of a bitch. mount his head atop of a war banner, and I march on. I look out my window to a gray moonlit sky. Wonderin if shes lookin up at the same stars at the same time hummmm possibly. with visions of martians picking me up and carrying me away i lay down n pray not to wake or see another day.