www.skintek.net - Skin Labs Inc. - Journal

The harder I searched for it, the more elusive it became. After some amount of time which I can't now recall, it seems I had just quit thinking about all that stuff. I was working hard, doing stuff, being human, living a normal life full of unfulfilled desires which were so sublimated as to be part of my waking and sleeping existence. The emptiness and longing had gone on for so long that I forgot it was there. And that's when IT hit me and i meet her. thought my life was exactly where i wanted it to be, and i still think my life is still there with her but only in a hibernation. So i sit waiting hoping wishing to be pushed so that i can awaken and be back where i was most happy. I've been in a dream state all day. Didn't get much sleep last night, or maybe I just never woke up. the rain filled most of today as it has off and on for the last few. I watch TV, and play my games on the computer. yet the complexity of such things bores me. i need something definate, something unchanging something that i know is real and is true. something that when i ask "do you love me" i get a response, i know what the answer will be even before i ask it and honestly know that the reponse is that and genuine. i get responses now but as for actually knowing if they have meaning behind them i dont know anymore. its like they are given to me just to keep me occupied. FUCK that... give me a reason to not doubt there validity, come and be with me. treat it like an egg, careful and breakable. i try to my self but i seem to make the mistakes that you take as being un-understanding. All i know is to say to you look at it from my point of view. but yet my angel can only see it one way. its not of my way but only the opposite. Sigh.. life stinks