www.skintek.net - Skin Labs Inc. - Journal

I was awake last night most of the night, talkin to the angel... i learned there was another knight from a greater kindom than mine.. i layed down my sheild and sword and walked away from the battlefield to confide in my tears alone. I closed my eyes with my heart laying at the bottom of my shoe. the wispers called to me telling me that the battle was over. i knew it was but what is a soldier with out a battle or a tank without a war. Its weird how people dont understand why nations fight amonst them selves. its plain and simple each has there visions on life and how they want the world to be. no two nations look at it in the same way. so they fight.. and fight .. and fight... they dont care how many people get hurt, die, or loose there sanity from the grotesque dismembered carcasses that lay on their fields of glory, bleeding at the feet of there pawns. so i sat there knowing it was over. but still wanting for there to be the smallest ounce of reason. thoughts of "am i just a pawn" or "something that they expect to be there" a safty net of sorts. The angel tells me that things will be fine that her journy will be along with my own. Then in the same breath moments later tell me shes turning back and cant journey on. (----next day----) strange.... strange.... strange.... have you ever noticed how small a pixel on the monitor of your computer actually is? I dont know why, but i found my self actually looking at them today. maybe it was me just dazzing off, or maybe it was my curiosity. Her head bent backwards spliting her head straight back from the cracks of her mouth to the base of the skull. holding arms back as if to catch a falling giant beach ball. Then all of a sudden she vanished. Days have gone by with no visions of my angel, just memories of what i had hoped for. The more i think about it the more i think that all the wispers from her where not real, where only illusions, my own mind speaking to me. Mix my poison with my Dew, drown in my own thoughts. Wanting to sleep forever again. Have you ever senced you where going crazy but everyone tells you its normal. A perfection of purtity. My hands on my face and i can barely take it, i cant excape. Buried revelence, deny the face of what i want and turn the other cheak for it to be slapped. Fall back on the fairy only she can help. Knowledge of my pain she tells me. Drown in the brown eyes, DISPISEEEEEEEEEEEE...its what i answer too. Fuckkkkkk, kneel down at a grave of my own design. White words, on black marble. I find my self torchering myself for things that i was told that wasnt my fault. Men are stupid, ignorant, and blind as a bat. We constantly beat ourselves for everything that goes wrong, or is it just me. I try not to think of the past, but seems as if that is the one thing i dont wanna run from. Some of it yes, but my happiest times where back there. the sounds of loneliness fill my head now i want them to go away, grab the nearest hard object and use it as a lobotomy. Down in my hole loosing my soul, wanting to fly but my wings have been stolen.