www.skintek.net - Skin Labs Inc. - Journal

I've only meet three women in my life that i felt i cared for. the first dissappeared and pops in every now and then to see if im actually still alive. shes the one who was married, wanted to be with me but kept going back to her husband over and over again. Would have worked if she could have gotten her past out of her head. I still care alot about her and i like hearing from her and to know shes ok. I still miss the long talks we used to have. Then there was the second, she was the first person i asked to marry me, "the one who ignored it" and changed the subject . Then a week later dumped me and went back to her ex-boyfriend. She constantly kept calling me wanting me to hang out with her and be all buddy buddy when she was with her Ex, I mean "wtf" sorry im not a tool, you cant just pull me out just when you need me. The third which most of you who have read these online journals have seen what i have put myself threw mentally over her. She ment alot to me, and i will say she still does. I still love her. What actually happened is vague in my memory, I honestly don't remember exactly what happened that we stopped being, but it's not important anymore i guess. Recently I have fought her just as hard as she has me. Then the other day i got a e-mail from the "First", which was the first e-mail i had recieved from her since she told me she was tryin to work things out "Again" with her husband. Sometimes i get this feeling she wants to still be wid me. Right now all she would have to do is make that step, its not like im with anyone. Hell the "Third" only comes around to eventually insult my honesty now adays. Makes me wonder if there was ever a moment she actually gave a fuck about me n her. I want to be with her still. Buts i think its one of those things where shes gonna have to fix her problems before anything can happen.Two more songs left on this cd and ill lay down some more and waist a little more of my life away wishin it would just go ahead and just end. I just hate being lied too seems as if thas all ive ever experienced. Once you find someone you really like and want to be with. BIM BAMM BOOM it hits you damn, i should have joined the airforce.